When tragedy strikes

What happened today at the Boston Marathon was a tragic event that will be remembered for years to come. I know I, like I’m sure many others, couldn’t help thinking back to one of the last times an attack occurred on American civilians, 9/11.

There are countless similarities, but the one I would like to focus on is the actions of the first responders. Twelve years ago, and today, those who were not hurt by the violence did not merely run away, concerned with their own safety, they ran TOWARDS the disaster.

Many people feel an immense sadness during times like these, and that is completely understandable, but there is no need to completely lose faith in humanity. The actions of the brave men and women who responded to the explosions today, and for the days to come, are proof of that.

Yes, this is a terrible tragedy.

Yes, there were lives lost, lives ruined and injuries.

But no.

We will not have our spirit broken. We are a strong country, full of strong people, and, as we proved that fateful morning in September, we will not be broken.

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There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,  a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.

Ecclesiastes 3: 2-4

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Not only is this our time to mourn, but it is our time to rejoice in the strength of our fellow citizens. We should not just weep out of sadness, but out of joy for the kind hearts that surrond us in a world where evil is desperately trying to win each and every day. There is a strength in each and every one of us.

Sometimes, we just have to wait for our muscles to be tested to see our true potential.

Prayers for all those affected by this tragedy, stay strong and be resilient.

Take charge of my own life: Check

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXmmXAUqfd8

I realize that I haven’t posted on here for awhile. I guess that’s because the reason that I originally made this blog, my eternal dwelling on an unhealthy relationship, is gone. 

I mean, I still think about it from time to time. But now, I just give myself a kick and say “Girl, why are you STILL thinking about this? He should have absolutely no power over you, so stop giving him your crown.”

I am now unbelievably joyful, sitting here in my dorm room, relaxing to my country music and letting my wander, and not being afraid of where it might end up. I am very proud of myself. Now that I don’t need to tread on egg shells in my own mind, I notice myself smiling as I drift off to sleep, as I think of all the wonderful people I’ve met this year and the strength and confidence I have found in myself. 

Not only is my faith stronger than it has ever been, I am doing well in school, have an internship planned for the summer in NYC (!!!), and have become more patient with others. 

My life is going exactly in the direction that I want it to be heading, and I am so incredibly grateful. 

 

Change is good?

You know those songs that, if you really listen to the lyrics, will make you cry? Well this is one of them for me. I was on Facebook, yes I know not the most trustworthy of news sites, and I saw that my ex-boyfriend’s sister posted that he got in a car accident. Totally smashed the front of the car and the airbag went off. I started panicking in class, I think my professor knew something was wrong because he stopped directing questions towards me.
Why do I still have so much fear for the safety of someone who has no fear for me?
I went and looked at his Facebook page (we aren’t friends on Facebook) to see if maybe I could view anything generally on his page about the crash, and I saw that he was in a relationship.
Dang it. This should not make me feel bad, yet it does. I just hope that this new person is enough for him and that he won’t try to change them like he tried to change me.

Graduating Members from the Class of We Made It

http://www.upworthy.com/bullies-called-him-pork-chop-he-took-that-pain-with-him-and-then-cooked-it-into?g=2″If you can’t see anything beautiful about yourself, get a better mirror”

This video deserves to be shared. So many of us go through life feeling alone and helpless.
Afraid and confused.
Broken and forgotten.
We don’t realize how many others around us are going through the same things as us. We all feel sad sometimes. We all feel ugly. No one is without moments of weakness.
BUT THIS CAN’T DEFINE US.
Be strong and proud of yourself this week, because no matter how many times people make you think it or you how many times you feel otherwise, you are beautiful.

Let’s think critically

I’ve decided to stop allowing others to define my happiness. If I keep letting them do it, I will never be happy because it is a human tendency to put ourselves first.
I wonder how to do this? I have to take the power that people have over me away from them. That task is much easier to type out then actually do.

Unfortunately, you won’t be forgotten

In my class I had to watch the pro-Nazi propaganda film Triumph of the Will. The film is revered for it’s revolutionary techniques like the use of multiple cameras, aerial shots, blah, blah, blah. I understand it is a fantastic piece of art but it was for an evil purpose. While watching it, I couldn’t stop think of the thousands and thousands of people who perished in the Holocaust and fighting during WWII. The power of ONE man was strong enough that he was able to convince an entire nation to slaughter a religious population. It makes me fear power.

I also couldn’t stop thinking about my personal connection with the film. Though I am Christian, my mom was raised in a Jewish home. I called her after watching the movie and she directed me to this link. It outlines my family history and I couldn’t stop staring at the words “perished in the Holocaust” entire families were wiped out. It gave me shivers.

http://www.ics.uci.edu/~dan/genealogy/Miller/langsam.html

I fear power.

But really though…

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=5pYA46dyKh4&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D5pYA46dyKh4
Really? Why did you have to do that? He was one of the few people who I have no negative feelings or memories associated with. You completely ruined it. So, P.S., next time I have a friend fly across the country and hang out with him, hands off.

^ Oops this is a very petty post, oh well. Sometimes you just have to let it all out.

And all we have is music

http://www.vevo.com/watch/maroon-5/daylight/USUV71201858?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=watch&utm_campaign=wp_maroon5_daylighthttp

This video made me cry, which I cry extremely easily so I’m not sure how good of a gage I am. I love compilations like this.

They help me remember I’m not alone with my problems, anxieties, and with the barriers controlling my life.
They also reminds me that some of my problems are so small in comparison to others. I wish I was more thankful.
I’m going through a time where everything seems to be piling up. I didn’t drink much first semester but I am now.
I HATE it.
My friends pressure me.
I feel like I have to keep up with them to please them.
Watching this video reminds me that I should be proud of who I am. Strong in my convictions. Not allowing others to make me into someone I’ve never wanted to be.

We all go through tough times but we will get through them.
Remember, you always deserve better.
Music is a source of might, allow it to flow through you and strengthen your convictions.

Insomnia and I have a very complicated relationship

I hate not being able to fall asleep. Sitting in bed and glancing at the clock, feeling like only ten minutes have passed and it has been an hour.
The one good thing is I get a lot of thinking done. I finally realized, at probably 3:30 in the morning, that I need to stop beating myself up and driving myself crazy because I’m worried about you. You sure as hell aren’t worried about me, which is clear by how you continued to try to manipulate me even after I left you.
I used to feel such guilt because I made you have a panic attack. I seriously thought you were dying when you would alternate between hyperventilating and not breathing. You didn’t know who I was or who you were. Now I realize you were messing with me even then. Why was it you couldn’t tell me your name but when the EMTs got there you knew your first and last name and the dosage of the medicine you took that day? At first I couldn’t believe that you would let me carry that burden, but I forgot who you are and now it is so clear to me. You don’t deserve to be in my life.

He’s got my back

It was really my own fault. I thought that when you said you were Christian you would embody the Christian values. Apparently not so much. I’ve learned over the past year that, even though I would like to, there is really no one you can rely on that completely has your best interest besides God. I need to go back to the heart of worship.